Tiny Dick Tax

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Harpytalons

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Another day went by and your dick didn't get any bigger. It's time to pay the Harpy.

Your dick is so small, you pay double the normal tax to make up for it.

It's so small you could pick locks with it. It looks like it just sailed in from Lilliput. It would be better put to use skewering olives in my martini. If it doesn't vibrate it has no business being pocket sized. How do you even manage to not pee on your shoes? It looks like one of those dinky pencils you get at a mini golf course, you pathetic wretch of a person.

For every partner you have left or will leave unsatisfied, pay me.

For every guffaw your button mushroom draws out of a potential lover, pay me.

For every "is it in yet?" omg, you diminutive dick slinging dipwad, you better god-damned pay me.

If you've ever heard or said any of these teeny-weeny-peeny-apologist phrases:
"It's not the size of the boat it's the motion in the ocean"
"It's ok, if it was too big it would be intimidating"
"It's not the tool it's how you use it"
OR ANY VARIATION THERE OF
You. Will. Pay. Me.

Did you want something in return for your money? Oh well. You should have invested in a strap-on instead to make up for what you lack.

Rules:
Pay up and shut up.
Don't talk to me.
Don't message me.
Just don't.
Your name is Nubs now.

20.00 USD 200

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Mensagens ao Vendedor

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Sobre Harpytalons

Just a harpy showing off her talons. I like my toes in the sand, snow, or dirt, connected to the earth and sea. I'm barefoot almost always, which means my feet are perfectly imperfect, i.e. wear and tear, and calluses. Shoes of choice: flipflops or comfy boots, although I can pull off the occasional heel. Foot Size: US 11 Wide

Ok, so I'm mostly into posting feet content, because I have feet, and they're giant, and I think making the content is super fun and I like weirding the neighbors out (making things awkward is LIFE). The rest of this place tho... omg... you guys....

About me: I'm overweight but "on the journey" and 30lbs down so far, but still pretty fluffy. I was 265, and now I'm 230. My bra size is a tight 40DDD, but I still try to cram them into DD bras.

I'm a X-lennial meaning I can remember a time before internets and cell phones. I'm way closer to 40 than 50. I'm told I look 39. Grew up with conservative parents but now my blonde hair is blue (or purple or pink or green or orange) hair and I have tattoos I regret. I unironically love Fall Out Boy and Jim Croce. My eyes are blue and there up here, damn it. Self portrait: 👁👄👁

I'm laid back and friendly. Sometimes funny. I can offer BFF (best friends forever) type experiences, but you'll forever be in the friend zone. I'm a social lover of expensive bourbon/whiskey/scotch, craft beers, and PBR. Matt Berry is my current celebrity crush.

I love my husband but he would be mortified if he found out that I was on here selling my used granny panties and honestly I think that's funny as all hell. I love him and respect *most* of his boundaries though so I will never show my face, I will never make nude content, and I will never talk dirty to you. I'm awkward AF though so honestly that's probably for the best, unless you like long weird pauses then laughing in your face.

I'm into spiritual and psychedelic experiences, nerdy shit, but I work too much to be in-the-know.

If you wanna pay my rent I could learn to be an awkward Findom. I have no experience and it will likely be awkward, but heck, my rent will be paid wont it?

ALLERGY INFO:
My house has pets.
I like to eat things that contain peanuts.
I don't smoke, don't wear perfume, barely wear deodorant
I do burn expensive incense (not that blue box nag champa sh*it...)

Harpytalons atualmente tem 36 itens disponíveis & se juntou a Male Things Worn há 5 meses

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